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Apple Valley: We’re business friendly (June 25, 2015)

If you’re thinking of opening a business in the high desert, we’d like to show you why you should choose Apple Valley instead of one of those other, stupid cities. You see, here in Apple Valley, we not only have a better way of life, we are also business friendly.

Here, for example, is our Town Hall (Apple Valley is a town, not a city. It’s better.). You can see for yourself how modern and expensive it is. If that’s not business friendly, we don’t know what is.

But wait, there’s more. We have a whole new civic center.

Here’s a building that used to be our new library (currently closed indefinitely for repairs).

Here’s our huge new Development Services building, which also houses a Convention Center. No conventions so far, but you never know!

Here’s the layout for our new Civic Center Park. It’s master planned, so it’s better, unless you’re a tennis player. We spent so much buying the Country Club that we didn’t have any money left over for tennis courts. Sorry.

Here’s the new pool area in the new Civic Center Park. We needed to build this expensive new pool because the pool that came with the Country Club had to be condemned. Win a few, lose a few.

Here’s the new amphitheater in the new Civic Center Park. We put in lots of grass because we love the desert!

Here’s the new play area in the new Civic Center Park. Originally, we were going to protect our little tykes with that really expensive, thick poured-in-place rubber play surface stuff, but after we spent so much buying the Country Club we discovered that wood splinters work just as well. Better, actually.

Here are the new dog parks in the new Civic Center Park. Dog parks are important here in the high desert because there’s so little open space. Plus, they’re better, just like us.

Heck, we’ll bet that our new animal shelter is more attractive than your building. Plus, it’s municipal. (That makes it better. You wouldn’t believe what we pay our head dog-catcher .)

We even have a new corporate yard …

… and a new household hazardous waste facility.

Here in Apple Valley, we have all these new buildings to encourage business owners such as yourself to step up your game. It’s all part of being business friendly.

We also have a deep sense of our history, though, too. Here’s a building that used to be a museum dedicated to Apple Valley’s most famous residents, Roy Rogers and Dale Evans.

And then there are our great points of interest, such as this building that used to be the hilltop home of Newton Bass, one of the founders of Apple Valley. It was the scene for an episode of the very popular TV series Perry Mason. It’s such an important town icon that we forced the previous owner to sell it to us so we could leave it just the way it is (but with a fence around it to keep people out, of course).

You may be wondering what you have to do to earn our friendship. It’s surprisingly easy. Here are some examples:

Here’s a building that used to be our new Lowe’s home improvement center.

Here’s where our new Walmart was supposed to be built.

Here’s a building that used to be our Ralph’s, which is just a block away from our spectacular Civic Center.

We’re going to get hotels and motels, too, someday. (Photo to come when and if any hotels/motels actually materialize — until then, here’s a kitten.)

Here’s a barren patch of land that used to be Cramer Family Park in our colorful felony flats area, until we spent so much money buying the Country Club that we couldn’t afford to maintain the park any longer.

So where do you fit in? How about our Village in Apple Valley? It’s the crown jewel of Apple Valley’s business district. Well, one of them: We have several different business districts spread miles apart with few direct routes among them. Talk about being better!

Businesses here pay a tiny little surcharge for the privilege of setting up shop in this prime location, but it’s a small price to be in the heart of this thriving hub of activity. Don’t worry, there’s room for your business.

All over town, there are places ranging from as-is to cozy to fixer-upper to lots of possibilities to needs work, and each is move-in ready for immediate occupancy. No wonder Apple Valley is the choice of so many smoke shops, vape shops, and tattoo parlors.

One of the things that makes Apple Valley different is that our friendliness lasts and lasts and lasts. Here is the headquarters of one of our local businesses. It’s pretty cheesy. You’d think we would encourage them to upgrade — be more like us, you know? But we came up with a better solution: When they asked permission to build a new facility, we opposed it. They’ve been doing such great work for such a long time (38 years longer than we’ve even been a town), that we’re going to court to condemn them. Then we’re going to seize their business, and build ourselves an absolute palace of a headquarters from which to operate. Friendly? You bet!

As a business owner, you probably want to know if Apple Valley is growing. It certainly is! Check out this growth data:

As you can see, in the 25 years since incorporation, our population is up 67 percent. But that’s nothing. We had an explosion of Town employees and law enforcement officers, and enough more tax revenue to pay for all those additional employees and police and still have money left over. Not enough money for curbs or gutters, or painting white center lines on our kinda poorly maintained roads, or creating bike lanes, or keeping our storm drains clean … but still enough to be better.

So, if you’re a business owner, come to Apple Valley and see what happens! (No Chinks or Canadians need apply.)